Don't read when eating - you may choke: Part III

Here's another collection of laughably bad "job" offers, of which there seems to be no shortage. I totally understand that many people's bottom line is money and they want to save as much as they can, but you really do get what you pay for.

Self Help Blog Writer (job offer by Sunny Pate)
Fixed price project - Budget: $100

I have put together around 14,000 words on self-actualization, mindfulness, healing from within, different psychologists theories, basic human needs, ext.

I want someone to help me define the different sections out of this and structure possibly 3 or 4 sections (depending on what we decide) from this creating about 3500-5000 word posts on the sections we define.

I may be lacking some content needed to finish my thoughts on these posts so I may have you do some research and add to it.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. This guy's looking for 14,000 to 20,000 words (about 47 to 67 pages in 12 point Times New Roman font, double spaced), plus the writer to research on their own and then finesse the content. If you want to do days and days of work for about 50 cents a page, go for it. But you'd make more money working a day or two at McDonald's, and have far less responsibility.

Re-writer for BIG art-biography library - Perfect if you like art (job offer by Andreas Nordin)
$: Entry Level
I am looking for freelancers with the lowest rates

The job is to make biography texts of old painters unique. You will get text of around 800words with some general seo directions and then you rewrite the content to make it completely unique. This is a big job with 100+ articles where quality will matter. I personally check the quality and if you do not deliver top quality during all articles I find someone else.

You MUST be able to rewrite whole sentences and not just replace synonyms.
Rewriting with spinners and other automated methods will not be acceptable, you have to do it manually.
Rewritten articles have to make perfect sense and they must pass copyscape which will be checked.

When looking for applicants testscores and hourly salary will be greatly considered.

I'd love to do this work since I'm a big artfan but my time does not allow it for now. After this work is finished you'll be an art history expert!

If project turns out good, i'll keep you for upcoming content creation for the website.

I feel like you'd get much better content if you offered more money, and then wouldn't have to worry about "completely unique" and "top quality" content otherwise.

Give me 10 short articles(5 USD fixed)
Fixed price - $5 budget

The theme is what travelling your country.
300 words length is needed for one article.
And you must write in English.
I hope where it is so well know.
You write it does not have to be tourist destination.
I will try to translate in Japanese,then I will upload it as my article.
You must finish within 7 days since you accept.

Where do I even...3,000 words for $5??

Writer for History Website - 1000 Words - URGENT
Fixed price - $35 budget

I need a 1000 word article written tracing the history of Christianity to the reign of the emperor Charlemagne. I need the article to answer the question, "How did the church become a political power in the Western Roman Empire?"

This is for a website targeting collage age history students. It is to be a comprehensive review of the period, documenting how the Christian faith became a political power during this period.

I need this piece completed this weekend, preferably before Sunday, 3pm GMT as my previous freelancer let me down.

Must speak English to a native level and have a good grasp of historical subjects.

You want someone to write your college collage paper for you (which is against the rules, by the way, and if you're going to break them, at least pay a lot more to get a good product by someone discreet), and turn it around to you in one day? I wonder why your "previous freelancer let [you] down", eh