Off to meet your maker, eh?

I just love driving.

The feeling of being behind the wheel of a two-ton vehicle that responds to my every touch and command, racing faster with added pressure from the ball of my foot or taking a breath as I ease off the pedal- these are just a few of the things that have formulated my love for driving.

I also play games on the road.

The games I play are ones that test myself in terms of safety, predictability and good driving techniques. Years ago, I read a Ken Follett book (can't remember which one) where the opening pages described a character who controlled his plane the way the French do: with the softest of touches, and gently enough that he only had to apply gentle pressure to get the plane to go this way and that. I thought that was just the neatest way of describing how to "drive" any vehicle, and that's one of the games I play, How unclenched can you make your hands on the steering wheel? If the car I'm driving has been well tuned up and has good suspension, balance and steering, there's also no reason for me to be jerking the wheel back and forth the way it's done in movies filmed in front of a green screen. Most- most- roads in the province don't have so many potholes that you need to hang onto the wheel for dear life; if they do, it's not the wheel of the car you should be worried about.

Another game I play is How predictable can you be by anticipating as much as possible? It doesn't matter what colour or size vehicle I'm driving, nobody is as focused on my car as they are on their own. So, I try and make myself as predictable and visible as possible by waiting three blinks of the turn signal before changing lanes, easing off the gas pedal when I see the fourth car in front of me tapping the brakes and fer chrissakes, checking my blind spots. It may not be as carefree and reckless as Steve McQueen, but sexy driving necessitates at least one condition: being alive. (Side note: the smaller the vehicle, the more true everything gets. As a cyclist, I try to make myself as visible and predictable as possible, more so than everyone else on the road).

I'm also not a very patient person. At all.

While I can find some small space in me to understand nervous or insecure driving, the one area that I can't- and won't- understand is bad driving borne of laziness. Whenever I see someone wilfully being stupid with their car, like being on their phone, aggressively tailing other vehicles, weaving in and out of traffic (especially without using their signal lights!), driving too slowly in the fast lane or just being a general bully, I turn into a cross of the Incredible Hulk and Judge Judy. My first thought is to say, What the **** are you thinking?!; my second thought is to put as much distance between us as possible.

I like playing driving games on the road, but a lot of the time, people aren't using the same board and playing pieces as I am.